I'm just sayin'

Why I won’t be posting Urban Dictionary’s definition of Kristen.

Which Sex and the City Character Are You?!

Who’s Your Celebrity Doppelganger?

Will you fertilize my crops in FarmVille?

Not into it.

Today I came across the whole “go to Urban Dictionary, search for your name and post it as your status update…” Facebook fad - and for some reason (maybe because I’ve been mellowed by a delicious NZ SB), I found this less annoying than the others. Curiosity got the best of me and I UD’ed “Kristen” and got these results:

  • Slang for “most awesome girl ever”

  • usually extremely beautiful. can surprise you at what she can do. very outgoing. can be emotional at times, but mostly just wants to party!

  • Very hott girl that you won’t seem to every forget about,amazing personality and great figure.

  • An amazing person, not likely to ever leave your thoughts, always to the be te only one on your mind . Incredibly beautiful, nice, smart, caring, and all-around great . Her eyes gleem with a radiance of a thousand stars, her lips draw you in, like magnets, her love is like life, without it, you surely cannot live.

  • being of extreme beauty, class, and creativity. also happens to be pretty rad.

OMG, that was like totally written for me!

But, then as soon as I clicked through to the second page of results, things turned ugly…

  • A two faced bitch that no one can trust. Typically hangs out with red heads, brown haired skanks. Also has horrible acne. And is Obsessive when it comes guys in her life.

  • BITCH, insecure, fugly, fat, and an attention whore. Lives in a bubbly where she thinks everyone likes her.

  • daughter of butch lesbian, most likely has a hairy bum and loves to eat toblerones! (OMG they know about my affinity for Toblerones?!)

  • The biggest hooch ever known. Kristen does not mean awsome in any way, shape, or form.

Surely those horrible things they said about Kristens couldn’t be true!

So I searched for a handful of other female names and found the same type of results: ridiculously complimentary or scathing - nothing in between.

But when you think about it, there are probably only two types of people that would actually take the time to submit the definition of Kristen (or any other name) to UD - people named Kristen (inclusive of boys whipped by/obsessed with/married to Kristens) and people harboring a fastidious hatred for someone named Kristen (likely due to infidelity or a hormonal imbalance).

Shockingly, it seems that these Urban Dictionary results are total BS…

Well, the buck stops here. I won’t help perpetuate this waste of time - I’ve got crops to harvest.

And FYI, you look nothing like Angelina Jolie.